GOING MENTAL

Confidence Flexibility

Confidence is something I think about a lot. Sometimes I feel full of it and other times, not so much. I wonder if there is sense to be made of the fluctuation, or if it just is what it is. I lean toward the latter, maybe because I’ve tried enough to make sense of it and can’t, or maybe because this option makes me feel more in control. (See: I am a control freak.)

Regardless, “it is what it is” is the option I like better because ultimately I think it’s a lot more freeing and conducive to happiness. It’s not about shrugging off your low/high confidence or pretending it’s something it isn’t. It’s about having a sense of humor about it. It’s about having what I like to call “confidence flexibility”. I hate that I just said confidence flexibility. I am judging myself so hard! In fact, I’m judging myself so hard that I have no other choice than to own the term even more and title this post by its very name.

Moving on…

If our happiness is attached to our confidence, that just seems unhealthy. Naturally, our happiness will pendulum in tandem with our confidence if it’s hinging on it, which just seems emotionally exhausting. Allowing our confidence to go up and down and having a more removed relationship from it seems like the best way to go.

I think this idea of confidence flexibility falls right in line with the “mindfulness” technique of psychology, which I LOVE and have found so helpful for me and my life over these past few years.

Mindfulness means stepping outside of a behavior in order to be aware of it. You notice it for what it is and allow it to exist without trying to curate or direct it. This allows the emotion/feeling/etc to be diffused and de-personalized. As a world-class personalizer, I have found mindfulness so effective in helping me normalize my emotions and handle them in a healthier way.

If we apply mindfulness to our confidence, then our confidence can be high or low or anything in between and it doesn’t dictate our sense of self-worth. It no longer has the power to affect our level of productivity or our efficiency in regular life tasks. We can simply notice “eh I’m having a low confidence moment” and just recognize it for what it is while continuing to push forward with our day, whatever we need to get done, and putting our energy into the things that make life better.

It really bothers me to think that low confidence affects the great possibility in so many people. I am passionate about seeing what people are capable of and I think the very real confidence-struggle can singlehandedly rob people of realizing their potential. I’m hoping this post helps the confidence issue in some way, and I plan on doing more posts like it in the future if you guys gained something from it. Let me know.

Have you struggled with confidence issues or do you feel like you have a pretty sturdy handle on yours? Do you have any examples? Who in your life do you assume has the most confidence? Would you ever have a conversation with them and see if they really have as much confidence as you think?

Looking forward to your thoughts.

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Kevin
Member

you have a good understanding of self confidence jennette ,i have a lot of other areas of my personality to develope right this year.

Konstantin
Member

I think that confidence is a gift that you need to cherish. It seems to me that I am attracting people who are not self-confident. Most of my friends strongly doubt themselves. I did not find a confident enough person to ask him questions. As for me, I’m trying not to think about it. I do what I do and it suits me.

Dp
Member

Giving Self-awareness (tactics) on self, for public use but to yourself before entering public… Its a gud way to keep up on noticing, and it helps by keeping your mind of stuff.
And people like too feed others every wich way, when your in the spotlight ….js, so keep it in your pants, when it comes to mind put it away wait till you get home to open it, and the butterflys and what some people call the “shakes” do to nervousing, keep the anxiety coming so, with meds such as mood relaxers and Dramamine helps that exact feeling.

Pawel
Member

Jennette im trusted my teacher .at the begining he was nice but now frames me to lie .others teachers belive me For a nice student. he used my subtelly & my Asperger’s syndrome. Help me
Become my friend .I invite you to Gdansk

Someguy
Member
Confidence was always a problem for me. If I try to pinpoint the reason it is because I’m afraid of making mistakes and humiliating myself. That makes me cautious and tense all the time, and holding me back. My solution to solve confidence issues was acting as how would I behave if I have confidence right now. With this act I’m gaining confidence after a while, its like tricking myself to become confident. Even though this is affective, it is double edged. If i receive bad things while act, my confidence takes critical damage. Also I believe there is a… Read more »
Emily
Member
I’ve never put words to the thought processes I went through when I thought of how I viewed my own confidence in myself- I always felt pretty self aware, and therefore confident. I think this is pertains to your mention of “mindfulness” in your post. I really appreciate the way you acknowledged the fact that you can gain confidence simply by accepting its absence. You’re a captivating writer, Jennette, great post. I look forward to many more 🙂 -Emily Gilliland from High Point, NC PS, I’d love to connect with you somehow about possibly working with you one day! I’m… Read more »
Dorn
Member
(Imaginary scenario to give example of a champions mentality),(game of pool (eight-ball), is used because most of all the higher-level matches are battles of the mind, as all players are equally able to make any shot they want to make.) First player to win 5 games wins the match. * Player A gets a shot after the opposing player misses the “run-out” in game one. * Player A lines up but has a lack of focus for a split second, and misses an easy shot! * Player B gets to return to the table and runs out the rest of… Read more »
Dorn
Member

I feel unstoppable, until I go up against the paper pushers. I don’t seem to push paper very well, and bureaucratic red tape seems to sap me more than any other challenge humans could pose…
Love, Dorn

Colin
Member
I got to say I am more confident at 30 then in my 20’s. There’s a saying you find yourself in your 20’s then refine yourself at 30’s. I feel that. I feel like my 20’s was littered with forks in the road and always listening to people suggestions. Because I’m inexperienced at whatever. Now tho those fork are less in the road. I’m at a point where people’s opinions don’t matter that much no matter how old or experience they are. I find out that people do things wrong or sloppy or the ‘way things used to be. (Can’t… Read more »
Levi
Member

Also Jeanette thank you very much for these posts I really enjoy them.

Levi
Member
As for the mindfulness​ idea As I understood it you’re just ignoring the particular emotion. and while it might be okay to use that for other emotions I do not see how that would help with self-confidence. A person without self-confidence will never be able to complete his task. if you do not believe you can you will not. Ignoring the fact that you don’t believe in yourself is much like a painter who ignores the fact that he doesn’t have enough paint you could start the art but he’ll never be able to finish if you do not believe… Read more »
Levi
Member
Wouldn’t confidence flexibility depend on what the self-confidence is for. for example if I’m take a test I need self confidence in my brain and if I’m to sing I need self confidence in my voice and while I person might house self confidence in certain aspects of his life it doesn’t mean he’ll have it in all aspects hence confidence flexibility. Unless you’ve seen confidence flexibility in a particular aspect of a person’s life where sometimes he’ll believe in himself and sometimes he won’t something I’ve never seen before but then again I’ve never had to struggle with confidence… Read more »
Alan
Member
i think confidence is built over time and doing something repeatedly. My stumbling block is that I always want to try new things and take myself out of my comfort zone. Well, in fact I’m told I should do this to live a fuller life etc and to help with my GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder). In doing this I’m always starting off with low confidence and when I feel I have a handle on it I”m moving on to the next thing. I do think I have to accept that socially my confidence iwilk always be up and down but… Read more »
Colin
Member

I agree. Nice post

gabriela
Member

i feel very confident most of the times. But it all falls apart SO quickly, especially when I have something important that’s related to uni. When I have tests, I study hard and I know it’ll be ok, but a place in my mind tells me it won’t. Then overthinking comes on again as my problem. Overthinking is a bitch ugh.

Marlon_Rebrando
Member

I find myself in the confidence struggle just trying to get myself to comment! I fear my thoughts will get lost in a sea of others. But what you say is true, better to just accept confidence issues for what they are, and not let them obstruct or get in the way. =]

clutzy
Member
Hey girl! Confidence is something I struggle with, to say the least. It started at an early age and has pretty much stuck with me. I’ve never been someone who has been happy with the way I look and it has lead to so many issues in my life. In 7th grade I was diagnosed with EDNOS. That’s something that I’ve now struggled with for about 8 years. Honestly, it’s destroyed my life. I’m now in therapy and a support group for it and I’m ‘in recovery’ but I say that so lightly. It’s so hard and affects my every… Read more »
LunaMuny
Member

I have confidence to talk a lot. I do my best to be friendly, I want to have a lot of differents kind of friends.

Adrian
Member

Somewhere between that persona that was in “Sam and Cat”- wicked Sage,.. and that sad-but cute expression you had on the “Eric and Andre” Show is the answer. You’re in the journey to get the answer. Gather strength from your fans, and listen to the quiet night that is your mind-eyes closed in meditation. Acting will always be your guide and Mother.

Adriano

Kyle
Member
I have felt that confidence is mostly based on knowledge and experience, which is eventually the opposite of the idea you have, but hear me out on this. In my field of work, you have to analyze everything and then come back confident that you can do a certain task in a certain amount of time. You have to know the tools so well that you can plan it out an execute it. However time passes before working on what you put the estimate on. You start working on it and you are not in that same frame of mind,… Read more »
Joey
Member

I have very little confidence in myself. I’ve always been that way.
I do like your mindfulness approach. I honestly think that could help a lot of people if they would apply it. I know I’m certainly going to try it. I thank you very much for sharing it with us.

Ana
Member
Hello, Jennette! First, great post! Well…this is such a hard topic, I mean, human is so complex and we cannot understand how each one handle with their, you know, characteristics… buuuut, I have to confess, this is also a good topic, is interesting. In my crazy theory confidence is related with self-esteem. You know, self-esteem is something that describe how are you doing with yourself, if this is high, great, you’re happy, but if it’s not so high, man, you have a problem there. I don’t know, I used to think that confidence is something that make you trust in… Read more »
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